I fell in love with theatre watching the 10th anniversary 'Les Misérables' on VHS. Music has been the door to many different worlds for me - but from ages 18-21, truth be told, I got scared of it. How I looked physically, whether I was enough, whether I looked silly singing in front of people. I was so angry at myself, but I couldn’t do it. The truth is, a lot of my relationship with performance has overlapped my relationship with my brain & body.
I was recently diagnosed with anxiety and depression - & it’s been a part of my life for a while. Some days it’s as horrible as dysmorphia. Some days it’s lighter than anything.
I know I’m not the only person in the industry who suffers with it. The truth is, when I talk about it, it gets lighter. Where I am in my career now, it influences the work I want to make. It’s certainly not all I am (I love to move, work on new text, delve into established plays, climb, paint, and do circus), but it’s genuinely special to talk about it openly.
One big part of where I am is about opening up about my struggles with anxiety & depression, but it’s not all of me. I love to explore bodies, intimacy, the line between masculinity and femininity. I love to move in unconventional ways and see how that can tell a story. When I can, I love to celebrate myself and others. What's important is that people close to me - who I love - have allowed me to feel safe, supported and listened to. I will thank them forever for that. I hope I can always be that person for them too, when they need.
I find it hard not to give everything. It makes me good at what I do. But I also could never be here with out an insanely wonderful & supportive family unit and community of friends. Loughborough Stage Soc, Total Theatre, Blink Theatre, The Pappy Show, Ex Nihilo and Stitchin’ Fiction are just a few to thank.
The work I’m intent in making now is part and parcel of a shift to be more open in myself - and to reinforce this community wherever I can. I’m working on a piece about male body dysmporhia - crucially a celebration of people - not a dredge. I’m also working on setting up a monthly open house, where people can read emerging work, get feedback, and have a hearty lunch cooked for them for free. To me that’s more exciting than anything.
Last thing to say - I love to collaborate. I always love to hear from people so if you want, please do get in touch.
Benjamin Victor (he/him).
1-2 years
(Intermediate) French